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Until two years ago, I thought I was happily married and had a secure future to look forward to. Then my husband left me for someone at work. I'd had my suspicions for some time. It was the second marriage for both my husband and I. My first ended by mutual agreement we just weren't suited ; my husband's first wife left him for someone else. I thought I had done everything right. We lived together for a year before we married. I have always been loyal and faithful, an excellent cook and home-maker, and have always taken pride in my own appearance. We lived together in harmony with barely a cross word.

What more could a man wish for? Scroll down for more So why was it not enough for him? Why do some men throw away a perfectly good marriage? Throughout the heartbreak I have felt over these past two years, I have behaved impeccably. My husband and his mistress have not felt the wrath of my tongue and I have not done any awful deeds, as many wronged wives do. Germany live free online chat with mistress harmony, there is a lot of anger simmering away inside me. I feel they have been able to do exactly as they please with no real consequences. She has even benefited by being able to move out of her tiny house into a much grander one in the countryside - it's like she's won the Lottery!

I feel that I have been left with the stigma of a second "failed marriage" which I truly do not deserve as I always gave per cent. I am completely disillusioned with men, but the thought of spending the next plus years without a partner is depressing. Perhaps if I could let go of my anger I could move forward, pursue divorce and possibly, just possibly, embark on another relationship - if anyone would have me! What do you think? Jenny's husband left her four years ago for a younger work colleague - after 34 years of marriage: Now divorced, she writes: It will just remind me of the rejection when he left.

How do I approach this - and retain the last shreds of dignity I have? Central to both your letters is bewilderment and grief, a sense of injustice and rejection, and the terrible sense of failure which prevents you from taking the next steps forward into the rest of your lives. There is also that absolutely understandable anger - indicated in Jenny's letter by the fact that she has not spoken to her ex for three years. This seething cocktail of emotions will be recognised by any woman who has been left by her husband, particularly after a very long marriage.

First, you must realise that you are entitled to feel angry. Behaving well "impeccably" you say should be a source of dignity and pride, yet it doesn't mean you aren't allowed anger, too. Another woman came along and deprived you of the life in which you had invested so much, and that shared old age you had the right to look forward to. What can one do but resent that? While it is good to control such feelings, there is no point in denying them - otherwise it will just make the sense of failure worse. I suggest, though, that it's possible to transfer your anger at the two fallible human beings involved to anger at fate itself.

If they hadn't met. I can't tell you how many times I have brooded on this myself.

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Imagine being mistresz a hand of cards, looking at it angrily, realising it is a seriously rotten hand with no good Datingchatmate at all - then deciding that you will go all out to play a winning game all the same. Swinger parties in kent may tell livr this is harmong, but it transforms blame into a challenge. Neither you nor Jenny "failed" because your Germany live free online chat with mistress harmony ended. It's more accurate to nistress your respective husbands failed at being faithful - but honestly, Gefmany talk doesn't help either.

I believe marriages can be worked at, but only if both partners want to and if the actions of one haven't damaged the edifice beyond repair. Then it might be less negative to say: Leave that thought out of it. Jenny's question about how to appear at the big event with her dignity intact is relevant to you, too. Noe she must be proactive, and help herself by suggesting insisting on, if necessary a meeting with her ex alone ahead of the event. If she walks into the party without having done this, the shock of seeing him again will be too great. She'll cry - and public tears, ladies, are not permissible. Again, this is about taking control. Jenny must see him first, talk to him about the grandchildren and the weather - and then, on the night, looking as glamorous as possible, put on a superb act of being independent and strong: There comes the day you have to announce to yourself that you are simply not going to go on feeling this way.

That your self-image does not depend on one man.

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